This post is merely an expression of my utter disregard of established institutions and a lose attempt at propaganda. My knowledge and experience on the subject are highly disputable. Anything I say can and should be put under industrial grade microscope. I will base my argument on observations - clearly this is not a subject for theorists.
The dynamics of long distance relationships have intrigued sociologists for centuries. Right from the time of Newton and before, people have been trying to figure out how do long distance work or to put it bluntly - how and why do they not work. The two most important factors determining the course of a relationship are trust and honesty. Put them together in a blender with a lot of seasoning called 'understanding' - perfect recipe for a healthy relationship eventually consummating into marriage. If any one of the ingredients is missing - then it becomes a recipe for disaster.
Trust. In my definition - trust means absence of doubt, not even a shred is allowed. Both should be able to trust each other - even on the edge of vulnerability. The x number of months/years that you spend together before the relationship becomes long distance should serve you in understanding each other. Behavior is extrapolative - you should be able understand your partner in such layered depths so that you can confidently forecast how would the partner react in situations which test the foundations of the relationships. Lack of trust gives rise to insecurity. Insecurity brings out obsession. And it’s all downhill from there. No matter how much one tries to fix it or make things right, if there is lack of trust from one end then that relationship is already headed for the gallows. The interesting thing is that trust always sits on an unstable equilibrium. And the unstable nature of the system all around that one equilibrium point makes it all the while hard to actually get there. Once you get there you hold it there nice and tight. You do not let your imagination or perception disturb it. Neither you allow others to disturb it for the sake of their vested interests. But if some incident of mammoth proportions does infact disturb it then its hard to get it back, infact impossible in some most cases
Honesty. Your partner should know you as intimately as you know yourself (or even better than that). Being honest is not the same as feigning honesty - that is even worse. Truth should not be at the behest of convenience or motive. Truth should be pristine even if it gets you into little trouble (alcohol indulgence, partying habits, courtship propositions to name a few areas of thin ice). If the foundations are strong, I am sure you would be able to get past any disagreement or argument which may result out of the revelation. If the foundations are shaky, then you will know where you both stand and either you can build it more strongly or you can move away before any irreparable damage is caused on either side. Talk to your partner; discuss every little thing that you go through everyday. Make sure that the partner does not feel 'distant' in any way. Live each others' life alongside your own.
Understanding. In simple terms, if you are able to answer every single question about your partner that starts with a 'Why' then I would say you have perfect understanding. Exchange of information is important and the previous two factors take care of it but the tricky part is how much you know your partner based on the things he/she tells you (honesty) and your own intuition (trust).
If a relationship is strong on trust and honesty but somehow the partners do not fully understand each other then the relationship is in an unstable equilibrium. You would feel that everything is mushy and rosy unless one silly little incident triggers off a catastrophe. Everything will come falling apart even before you can utter WTF ! A chain reaction could initiate which would easily knock out either the trust (you might start to get suspicious) or honesty (you might start feeling in obligated to share everything)
In the end I would like to say that if the arguments presented above reek of undesirable complexity or create nausea then just stick to the tried and tested basics - have good sex whenever you meet. Ring his/her bell so well that the partner has no desires to look elsewhere.
The proceedings of this space were partly sponsored by "Tony Stalker - Grey Label..... Keep stalking". And a message from our sponsors - "Alcohol can give you enough wisdom. Just look through the glass of en empty bottle (the one you just finished) and you will develop unprecedented perspectives on life."
The dynamics of long distance relationships have intrigued sociologists for centuries. Right from the time of Newton and before, people have been trying to figure out how do long distance work or to put it bluntly - how and why do they not work. The two most important factors determining the course of a relationship are trust and honesty. Put them together in a blender with a lot of seasoning called 'understanding' - perfect recipe for a healthy relationship eventually consummating into marriage. If any one of the ingredients is missing - then it becomes a recipe for disaster.
Trust. In my definition - trust means absence of doubt, not even a shred is allowed. Both should be able to trust each other - even on the edge of vulnerability. The x number of months/years that you spend together before the relationship becomes long distance should serve you in understanding each other. Behavior is extrapolative - you should be able understand your partner in such layered depths so that you can confidently forecast how would the partner react in situations which test the foundations of the relationships. Lack of trust gives rise to insecurity. Insecurity brings out obsession. And it’s all downhill from there. No matter how much one tries to fix it or make things right, if there is lack of trust from one end then that relationship is already headed for the gallows. The interesting thing is that trust always sits on an unstable equilibrium. And the unstable nature of the system all around that one equilibrium point makes it all the while hard to actually get there. Once you get there you hold it there nice and tight. You do not let your imagination or perception disturb it. Neither you allow others to disturb it for the sake of their vested interests. But if some incident of mammoth proportions does infact disturb it then its hard to get it back, infact impossible in some most cases
Honesty. Your partner should know you as intimately as you know yourself (or even better than that). Being honest is not the same as feigning honesty - that is even worse. Truth should not be at the behest of convenience or motive. Truth should be pristine even if it gets you into little trouble (alcohol indulgence, partying habits, courtship propositions to name a few areas of thin ice). If the foundations are strong, I am sure you would be able to get past any disagreement or argument which may result out of the revelation. If the foundations are shaky, then you will know where you both stand and either you can build it more strongly or you can move away before any irreparable damage is caused on either side. Talk to your partner; discuss every little thing that you go through everyday. Make sure that the partner does not feel 'distant' in any way. Live each others' life alongside your own.
Understanding. In simple terms, if you are able to answer every single question about your partner that starts with a 'Why' then I would say you have perfect understanding. Exchange of information is important and the previous two factors take care of it but the tricky part is how much you know your partner based on the things he/she tells you (honesty) and your own intuition (trust).
If a relationship is strong on trust and honesty but somehow the partners do not fully understand each other then the relationship is in an unstable equilibrium. You would feel that everything is mushy and rosy unless one silly little incident triggers off a catastrophe. Everything will come falling apart even before you can utter WTF ! A chain reaction could initiate which would easily knock out either the trust (you might start to get suspicious) or honesty (you might start feeling in obligated to share everything)
In the end I would like to say that if the arguments presented above reek of undesirable complexity or create nausea then just stick to the tried and tested basics - have good sex whenever you meet. Ring his/her bell so well that the partner has no desires to look elsewhere.
The proceedings of this space were partly sponsored by "Tony Stalker - Grey Label..... Keep stalking". And a message from our sponsors - "Alcohol can give you enough wisdom. Just look through the glass of en empty bottle (the one you just finished) and you will develop unprecedented perspectives on life."
Sarabjeet Singh
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