To start with, I am a S/W engineer…by chance. I never wanted to be one. As a matter of fact, I am still not sure what I ever wanted to be. It just so happened that I became a part of this S/W industry. Its not that I am repenting it now because I don’t know what I ever wanted to, can, or would do with my life. I don’t seek anything. Life is like an ever flowing river and I am flowing with it trying my best not to get drowned. This job is my ‘Tinka’ which has kept me afloat for the past 2 years. But, this ‘tinka’ is now not that much supportive as I thought it would be (courtesy the Lehman and Raju Brothers Inc) when I clung to it during the turbulent times of my life (final year of my engineering when I needed a job as badly as someone needs a place to attend the nature’s call when compelled by a full bladder).
This industry has taught me a lot many things, sitting idle and doing nothing for months is one of them. It even pays you for that. Who else in this world will pay you 500-800 bucks daily, along with free breakfast, lunch and evening snacks, for:
1.Booking online movie tickets and taking their print outs from the office printer.
2.Doing train/flight reservations. ( a guy in my office has actually put up a rate list for ticket reservations through net)
3.Watching ANY movie with a hot cup of coffee at your desk.
Surfing the net.
4. Orkutting (Using Proxies, Its a unending war between the n/w guys and employees. Tum ek band karo, hum doosri layenge).
5. Reading news papers, novels and what not in the office.
6. Chatting …
and many other things that u couldn’t do gratis outside the office.
But all these things, after a while, stop giving you the delectation you experienced when you started off with them. After sometime you start feeling that all these things are only adding to your ineptitude in some way or other.
After a while your heart starts pining for work.
This is a situation like you are sitting inside a car. The interiors are dimly lit by the refulgent yellow light bulb that is smiling feebly on the top of your head. Your car might be in a tunnel or cave or a subway. You desperately want to see the road ahead but you can’t. Everything around you looks blurred. The windscreen is wet with morning (or evening) dew. You don’t know which hour of the day it is. You don’t have a watch. You want to reach the windshield to wipe the haze but you can’t. The moment you stretch out your hands, your seat slides back and make your hands shorter than the distance between you and the screen. You can’t see any ‘Wiper’ button on the dashboard. There is a CD leaning against the dashboard. You don’t want to play it bcoz you have already listened it to death. You have newspapers and magazines spread all around you. But you have read them all. You try to unlock the doors. They are jammed. You don’t have the engine keys. It’s like a bad dream.
You are sitting there, incapacitated, waiting for someone (maybe your PM or Boss or anyone with a superior authority) who could take you out of that stinking shithole. But they too are helpless. The keys have been snatched away from their hands by this Recession. You don’t know for how long you have to ‘just sit’ there.
You hear the staccato buzzing of the vehicles driving past you. You look out from the side windows. You notice the same people inside them who were there trying to fire the ignition when you drove past them. They are overtaking you now, waving smiles at you. You manage to hurl a smile back; the one which a runner up gives to the winner.
You ponder, Is this why they taught me to drive a car? You know that you can anyday drive better than many of the jerks overtaking you. But you have to wait with a clenched heart and a frown-creased forehead for God knows how long.
It feels like you are shooed to a brothel after being castrated. This phase, in a S/W engineer’s life, is called ‘Bench’.
Signing off now, but keeping the lines open for brickbats and bravos. Jai Ho.
This industry has taught me a lot many things, sitting idle and doing nothing for months is one of them. It even pays you for that. Who else in this world will pay you 500-800 bucks daily, along with free breakfast, lunch and evening snacks, for:
1.Booking online movie tickets and taking their print outs from the office printer.
2.Doing train/flight reservations. ( a guy in my office has actually put up a rate list for ticket reservations through net)
3.Watching ANY movie with a hot cup of coffee at your desk.
Surfing the net.
4. Orkutting (Using Proxies, Its a unending war between the n/w guys and employees. Tum ek band karo, hum doosri layenge).
5. Reading news papers, novels and what not in the office.
6. Chatting …
and many other things that u couldn’t do gratis outside the office.
But all these things, after a while, stop giving you the delectation you experienced when you started off with them. After sometime you start feeling that all these things are only adding to your ineptitude in some way or other.
After a while your heart starts pining for work.
This is a situation like you are sitting inside a car. The interiors are dimly lit by the refulgent yellow light bulb that is smiling feebly on the top of your head. Your car might be in a tunnel or cave or a subway. You desperately want to see the road ahead but you can’t. Everything around you looks blurred. The windscreen is wet with morning (or evening) dew. You don’t know which hour of the day it is. You don’t have a watch. You want to reach the windshield to wipe the haze but you can’t. The moment you stretch out your hands, your seat slides back and make your hands shorter than the distance between you and the screen. You can’t see any ‘Wiper’ button on the dashboard. There is a CD leaning against the dashboard. You don’t want to play it bcoz you have already listened it to death. You have newspapers and magazines spread all around you. But you have read them all. You try to unlock the doors. They are jammed. You don’t have the engine keys. It’s like a bad dream.
You are sitting there, incapacitated, waiting for someone (maybe your PM or Boss or anyone with a superior authority) who could take you out of that stinking shithole. But they too are helpless. The keys have been snatched away from their hands by this Recession. You don’t know for how long you have to ‘just sit’ there.
You hear the staccato buzzing of the vehicles driving past you. You look out from the side windows. You notice the same people inside them who were there trying to fire the ignition when you drove past them. They are overtaking you now, waving smiles at you. You manage to hurl a smile back; the one which a runner up gives to the winner.
You ponder, Is this why they taught me to drive a car? You know that you can anyday drive better than many of the jerks overtaking you. But you have to wait with a clenched heart and a frown-creased forehead for God knows how long.
It feels like you are shooed to a brothel after being castrated. This phase, in a S/W engineer’s life, is called ‘Bench’.
Signing off now, but keeping the lines open for brickbats and bravos. Jai Ho.
Avinash
6 comments:
Nice post Paaji. I think the author is someone else but thanks for bringing it to all of us. Even I have suffered (& still suffering in a way) that dark period in the car. Well all we can do is, lets not give up; lets keep searching for the keys; lets prepare the car for a Grand Prix, and wait the Almighty to wave off the flag.
"You know that you can anyday drive better than many of the jerks overtaking you"
As one wise man has said "Even if all you can do is crawl across the floor, its better than sitting there doing nothing."
Best of luck! :)
Hey Milan thanks for the comment but Avinash deserves all the appreciation for putting this forward.
You guys are lucky. I wish I was in a job which would give me bench. There is so much to learn - quantum mechanics, relativity, fluid mechanics !! and so little time - Just a lifetime !
Good one!!!!
Tht was gud one :) From the blog name to the content ...
Gud one avi... Yaar its a very long tunnel... i am in one of those cars, travelled from noida to hydbd.. and m still in it... :)
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